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We are already well and truly into the swing of winter. With global warming unforgivingly fluctuating our weather patterns, we all need a new outlook on how to survive the most extreme of conditions. As I write this, my feet are so cold I can only move two toes; how on earth people in Scotland are coping with their antarctic temperatures bewilders me. Here is our run down of what you should do to survive these miserable months.

Be late for work

That extra five minutes in bed you were thinking abut, is actually (probably) a very good idea. It can be a complete mood changer, from someone who is out to kill every customer, to an unusually chirpy salesman ready to rip off anyone and everyone. Yes there is always the dilemma of whether you’ll get the chop, potentially making you jobless… and eventually homeless. However, it is worth the risk at this time of the year, and will definitely change your mood for the better.

Fill up on Quality Streets

In December especially, it is completely okay to eat as much as you want. Those magnums your Granny has in her freezer may seem like a step too far on a normal day, but over the Christmas period you need to eat as much as possible. The more weight you have, the easier it will be to preserve heat - so if you are nothing but skin and bones (like me) then you better get eating. A box of Quality Streets is the perfect in between meal snack. You can easily do some damage to a box on your own, but even seem caring by offering your family the orange and strawberry creams you don’t like, after you’re finished with the purple and pink ones. Everyone’s a winner.

Nick your parents dressing gown and slippers

This is an obvious one. You must have seen your parents mooching around the house in one of these incredibly comfortable clothing items, and secretly you want a bit of the action. From your Mum’s ugg boots, to your Dad’s moccasins, any crep with a bit of fur lining will prevent blood circulation failure, and keep your feet warm. As for the dressing gown, you will look like a bit of a g with a fluffy robe hanging from your body; ultimate comfort and style to get you through the winter.

Buy a dog

This one is optional, as of course these walking, barking hot water bottles do require a lot of maintenance and care. It isn’t a cheap choice, so if you are struggling, find your nearest neighbour’s four legged friend and temporarily kidnap them for the next couple of months. Having a dog by your side is one of the cosiest assets you could wish for. Whether they cuddle your feet, lay across your body, or piss on you, any of their actions will warm you up - some more effectively than others. If you don’t fancy doing a lot of exercise, then a dog walk a day should keep the Doctor away, and set you up nicely for the peng food you’ll inevitably scoff in the next couple of weeks.

Goretex Garms

One of the 2018 streetwear trends has been goretex coats, which offer an industrially waterproof material and thick lining to keep you warm. the North Face in particular have set the trend alight with reworks of their classic coating, and you can even buy a pair of Chuck Taylor’s in the fabric too. If you are in need of any garms this winter, consider buying them in goretex, you will not be disappointed.

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